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Chinatown

While on a business trip to New York City I took my evening meal in that frantic hive of humanity, Chinatown.  Because MSG gives me a livid headache I asked my waiter to have my order made without benefit of that dubious substance.  He looked at me and, indignantly, with a heavy accent said: “Yes Sir!  Food has no ingredients!”  I wondered if this was a generic statement or if he was referring to his food only.  I thought that I might not want to go that far so I queried him just to be sure: “No ingredients?  At all?”  With great dignity he responded: “I give my pleasure to you – so, no ingredients, no ingredients.  Yes?”  Belatedly I realized that this might be a good way to lose weight – The No Ingredients Diet.  No wonder Atkins offed himself.  (He just made it look like an accident – but I know better.)  So, with great bravery, I ordered.  The food arrived, mountainously, but with no MSG – it was actually quite good. My waiter came by the table in mid-meal and asked “Is everything pleasure to you?”  I almost told him the truth but managed instead to blurt “Very good, very good.  And thank you for no ingredients.”  His smile told me that I had given my pleasure to him.  I can, however, tell you that the drinks served in that establishment were chocked full of ingredients – presumably not those subtracted from the food.

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